[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
--where I'm supposed to be
going... whoa... wait.
Okay, I guess I came in
through this door...?
I remember gas filling the room,
[missile whistling]
ghost... wizards...
That... that would've hurt.
GUARD: Open up the reactor--
SCIENTIST: I'm sorry but those doors will
not open until we send the All Clear.
A ventriloquist!
GUARD: Then send it already!
SCIENTIST: I would love to do that,
SCIENTIST: but the aerial bombardment
has made a wreck of my transmitter.
SCIENTIST: The cables are severed;
we'd have to aim it by hand,
SCIENTIST: and I'm getting high
radiation levels in the transmitter dome.
SCIENTIST: Nobody but a
fool would go in there.
I pity the fool!
GUARD: What about this guy?
SCIENTIST: Yes. You could
survive in that suit of yours.
SCIENTIST: Very well. I will lower
security on the satellite access elevator
SCIENTIST: and you can go up
into the dome.
No...
SCIENTIST: I'll try to help you over the intercom.
I'm Gordon! I can do both your jobs.
You people talk like you know
what you're doing, but you don't.
Oh, "Loading Bay", that's good!
What? What are you aiming at?
Man, you two are higher than I am!
You're all just fronting. I've
seen too much of that.
GUARD: I'll stay here and guard this area.
Yeah, keep us safe from the
empty elevator, Scooby. I'm leaving.
That guy said they're
going down to safety.
Those two are probably dead by now.
Getting away from here could be MORE safe.
I think the President has
pretty good security.
Hey, maybe I could disguise myself--
no, wait, that wouldn't work.
I would need a professional
makeup artist.
Eddie can't do makeup for shit.
Well, I would've preferred
another snack machine, but, y'know,
sugar's the same as food, right?
Hey, wait! I don't have to pay for this!
In Black Mesa, I am king
of the vending machines.
This is bad soda! I'm not
drinking that!
Let me out of here, Captain...
Woody of the... Box... Brigade...
I can't decide if I'd rather
have food or more bullets.
I'm not eating this thing;
I know that much.
This is an illegal gathering of
three or more freaks.
GUARD: Ooh, I bet you're glad I've
got this old sidearm on me, aren't ya?
You didn't fired a single shot.
Are you being serious, sir?
Bet you don't have one of these, huh?
You didn't even blink. Jesus...
Never mind, just don't make
me kill us both, okay?
I hate when that happens.
Oh, here we go. Some magazines.
This will buy me at least
five more minutes of life.
I wonder if insurance rates for
Black Mesa survivors go up.
Like, adjustors would say if
you're in one alien invasion,
that means you're at risk for another.
Ah, who am I kidding? There's
not going to be any survivors.
Like, even with the military,
I don't see that happening.
I'll show you the... meaning of... fun...
Huh, the Laser Tag Extreme Fun Zone.
Oh, you think I don't see you?
That will enhance the fun.
Well, everybody likes surprises.
Quick, painless surprises.
You must have got a dud; I'm sorry.
Sorry for ruining the surprise.
I know it's never as good
trying to do it again,
but I think we can agree that
the results are what I wanted.
I think surprises where people end up
dead are always the biggest ones.
Oh, man, aren't these guys done already?
You guys shooting me isn't
helping my aim any.
Yes, run towards my gunshots! That helps
me out a lot. You have no idea.
Raise your hand if I didn't--
HECU #1: No sign objective, sir.
HECU #2: Area secure, sir.
Okay, well, I can't tell if you're just a
voice in my head, so you don't count.
So, yeah, I don't see the soldiers
surviving this, even without me.
Like, the theory is that this is a
cover up, which I still think makes no sense.
It's too big. That's like trying to
cover up the President being assassinated.
"Oh, yeah, the President's fine.
"He totally did not get his head
blown apart on national television."
But fine. We're going to 'cover
this up', but the thing is--
Oh, sweet. This is a great idea.
I can see why they built it this way.
I'm not doing anything the warehouse workers
haven't done a hundred times already.
Hey, stop it, Cargo Commando!
[missiles whistling]
I hear something.
They just bombed their own
troops again!
This is exactly what
I'm talking about!
Hey, they're bombing! I'm
outside! I didn't even notice!
Jesus, how is it night already?!
Well, that's it. I blacked out.
There's no other explanation.
This is what happens
when I play pharmacist.
I still feel pretty great!
HECU #3: Squad, quiet down.
"Squad, quiet down." "Negative."
I'm happy to know where everyone is.
I think that's about the best communication
I'm going to have with the military.
They can't even spell my name right.
But, it's alright. Again, no one
is going to leave here alive.
Especially not the soldiers.
Are these secret documents?
But yeah, the thing about the
soldiers is that, if this is a cover up,
the government already doesn't trust
its top secret researchers in the country,
so why is it going to trust
its special forces?
See, look at that. I bet they
didn't even identify me.
I bet I could disguise myself in
one of their uniforms
and it wouldn't make a
damned bit of difference.
There has been a LOT of friendly
fire around here.
Okay, that's it. If you can't behave
yourself, you can have time out, mister.
Okay, let's keep it that way.
So, besides these soldiers tripping over
themselves to kill each other before I do,
they may have bigger problems.
Because, if they're doing
the cover up job,
somebody else is going to
cover up the cover up job.
Okay, I like what I'm seeing here.
I love these guys that
run towards me!
Eh, I think that's the last of them.
Come and check out the noise!
Was that guy waving at me?
"Yeah, head to the left,
I saw him over there!"
Okay, THAT'S the last of them.
You're pulling THAT shit on me?
Did that guy run into his own grenade?
Or did somebody in the shadows
throw one at him?
Or, was he just charging me, suicide-bomber
style, and get his timing wrong?
Is that how we train them?
As suicide-bombers?
Man, something's definitely off
with this cover up operation.
With THIS much friendly fire, I
don't think it's an accident.
Yep, they just blew up another
guy with their own grenade.
I should turn this light off.
I wish I had a walkie-talkie so I could just
throw that down and transmit my voice
so they would all open fire
blindly and shoot each other.
I mean, we're halfway
there already.
They're not what I would call discriminate.
All these bodies and gunshots
are trying to ruin my mood.
But it's going to take more than that!
I have the power of chemistry on my side.
Anyway, what the fuck did I just see?
It's like the soldiers were
waiting until I showed up,
then executed the scientist in front of me.
I mean, why bother?
I don't know these people.
I know this was directed at me
because there's no way they didn't hear all
the gunshots and explosions prior to this.
This smells better than I
thought, but still bad.
Okay, I'm coming up with
three possible options
for what's going on here
with the military.
What was I thinking about?
Maybe this is a bad time
for me to spacing out.
I tried blowing up your
door but it didn't work.
SCIENTIST: Wait a minute
and I'll let you in.
Oh, that must be the ghost. He
sounds different than I imagined.
Hey, it's neon green. Do they throw raves
in here? The acoustics would suck.
[Geiger counter ticking]
Oh, it's radioactive.
Well, at least it's "click click"
and not "clickyclickclickclick".
You can still cut that shit out, though.
Oh, that's what I was thinking about.
So, option one is this is the cover up
and the troops are being covered up, too.
Like one out of every five
troops is secretly a merc
and his job is to kill the other troops.
Then they'll bomb the
place to kill the mercs,
then they'll kill the bomber pilot,
and then write this all up as
a... plane accident. Why not?
SCIENTIST: You'll want to work quickly.
Tune the transmitter to the USNRC.
SCIENTIST: I repeat, tune to the USNRC.
Okay, ghost. I guess you know what's best.
So option two is, everybody's on
drugs. Combat time is drug time!
Shoot anybody you want.
It's cool. He's high, too.
That's my favorite theory.
SCIENTIST: Excellent. I'm sending the
All Clear and the doors should open now.
SCIENTIST: We'll meet you down below.
No, wait! I don't want to die yet!
YEAH, KISS THE FLOOR, ASSHOLE!
Shit, I don't think I can
trust the ghost anymore.
I hope he stops talking to me.
I wasn't really prepared for that.
A bunch of people bursting in
trying to kill me,
that's something I've always
been preparing for.
But a ghost mildly harassing me
and giving me bad advice is just
whole other kind of hell.
I don't need another hell inside
my existing hell.
Hell squared is still hell.
All right, they're either sealing
me in or they're breaching.
Somebody thinks they're big and
bad because they're a welder,
but I'm not going to take their
shit either way.
Okay, I think that slowed them down.
Yeah, you'll think twice
before doing that again.
Especially since you're a skull.
So, how do I lift up this
giant concrete slab?
I can't fit through this hole.